Oct 30, 2025 – Breath
Last night I spent my first night attached to a sleep apnea cpap machine. It has taken more than a month for all the approvals to go through after my testing was complete, but that delay worked out fine because trying to make my shoulder happy, off and on all night, while talking myself into leaving the mask attached to my face didn’t make for a very restful night of sleep, which is one of the main purposes of sleeping with a cpap or bipap machine. It blows air into your nose and sometimes also into your mouth, depending on your mask, to keep you breathing when you stop breathing.
I’m of course no doctor but I would venture to guess, at least from my experience and my father’s, that getting up during the night to go to the bathroom has less to do with getting older and more to do, in many cases, with possibly having some level of sleep apnea. My layman’s understanding of this is that the body is pretty capable of getting through the night without having to get up to the bathroom; but, when we wake up, possibly because we stopped breathing, our body systems start waking up and the bladder says it’s time to go.
After my mother died, I was more in tune with my father’s health needs, one of which was the need to drink more water. When he was always tired during the day, we at first thought it was because he stayed up ‘til all hours on his computer but then we learned that he was getting up a lot to go to the bathroom, mainly because he was drinking all of his water for the day before he went to bed. Even when we corrected that habit, he was still getting up during the night. It wasn’t until we were on a family trip, and I spent much of the night wondering if he was still breathing, that I wondered if we needed to get him tested. He didn’t even make it through the 1st hour before they put the sleep mask on him and then once we got him settled back at home he pretty much always slept through the night from then on, except when he was up all hours working on a book or writing emails.
I’m taking time with this today mainly because, for a long time, I didn’t know how serious this was. This is a public service announcement of sorts in a blog. Even though my sweet husband says my snoring is cute, I know it’s not, because at times I’ve woken up and noticed the other side of the bed is empty or I wake myself up with a snort or a dry mouth. I didn’t start checking into this for myself until a few years ago because I knew that those machines were loud and uncomfortable. But, when I learned that the heart is very compromised when we stop breathing while sleeping, I started wondering if my chest pains were related to that. I’ve had many tests of my heart through the years and have been reassured that everything is fine, but perhaps it hurts some days because it had to work so hard during the night to keep me alive. I would think that could wear a heart out faster than it normally would have worn out.
Again, I am not offering a diagnosis to the world; I just want to bring awareness to possibilities for some folks out there. When I sat down for my mask fitting yesterday and was questioning different things about this whole process and the need for it, I decided I was going to do my best to assimilate this machine into my life because the woman helping me said people can die from sleep apnea. Enough said. Maybe the tube wrangling and the claustrophobia feeling will be more manageable tonight. I pray that to be so.
JA – “Walk with Me in close, trusting love-bonds of joyful dependence.” We have to trust Him for the very breath in our lungs and to wake us up each morning to a new day. “Dependence is an inescapable trait of the human condition. [Sometimes that includes the need for medicine and machines that God leads us to for our good.] Many people despise their neediness and work hard to create the illusion of self-sufficiency in their lives. However, I designed you to need Me constantly and to be joyful about your reliance on Me.”
Power – “Having the proper mindset is vital if we want to obey God. Everything He tells us to do is for our benefit, and He will always give us the ability to do what He asks us to do.” [Including being able to keep a cipap mask on all night? I guess so.]
Prevail #303 – Colossians 3:15 – “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you were called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Larson writes, “The Prince of Peace has taken up residence in your soul. His peace should always be your guide. Not man’s opinion. Not your own reasoning. Not the pressure of the moment. If His peace is present, move forward. If there’s no peace, stay put. And find your way back to peace again.” I started questioning my doctor about my potential for sleep apnea 3 years ago, but I never got tested because of insurance issues. It also fell through because ultimately I didn’t want a mask on my face all night and therefore didn’t advocate more strongly for my own health. I was leaning on my own understanding. However, yesterday when the woman called to set up an appointment, and suggested it for later in the afternoon (rather than next week or next month or never), I had peace about going down this path even though I know how my nights and my travels (and my bedside table) are going to be affected from here on out.
Utmost – “Common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense…. Faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. ‘We know that all things work together for good,’ then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God’s Providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality…. Faith is a tremendously active principle which always puts Jesus Christ first – ‘Lord, Thou hast said so and so’ (e.g., Matthew 6:33), ‘it looks mad, but I am going to venture on Thy word.’… Faith is the whole man rightly related to God by the power of the Spirit of Jesus Christ.”
JC – “I am with you. I am with you. I am with you. Heaven’s bells continually peel with that promise of My Presence. Some people never hear those bells because their minds are earthbound and their hearts are closed to Me. Others hear the bells only once or twice in their lifetimes, in rare moments of seeking Me above all else. My desire is that My ‘sheep’ hear My voice continually, for I am the ever present Shepherd.” God knows the future so it would seem to serve us well to pay attention to that still small voice leading us and helping us with the decisions in our lives (even accepting the need to wear a fairly uncomfortable mask on our faces all night).
Streams today is based on Hebrews 12:1, “Let us run with patience.” Cowman writes (and takes some of her thoughts from George Matheson), “The word ‘running’ itself suggests the absence of patience, or an eagerness to reach the goal. Yet we often associate patience with lying down or standing still…. There is another kind of patience that I believe is harder to obtain – the patience that runs. Lying down during a time of grief… certainly implies great strength, but I know of something that suggests even greater strength – the power to continue working after a setback, the power to still run with a heavy heart, and the power to perform your daily tasks with deep sorrow in your spirit. This is a Christ like thing!…” We are called upon to bury our sorrows not in restful inactivity but in active service – in our workplace, while shopping, and during social events – contributing to other people’s joy. No other way of burying our sorrow is as difficult as this, for it is truly what is meant by running ‘with patience.’ ”
