Oct 21, 2025 – Hold Loosely
God offered me a sunrise surprise this morning. As I was opening the blinds on the front of the house and making my coffee, I could see the glow coming up on the southeast side of the mountain. I love being up early enough to catch the show which I can only see through the trees at this time of year but it’s still pretty.
The real surprise, though, came after I settled into my chair in the sunroom looking out from the back of the house. As the northwest sky got lighter, I noticed the pink in the clouds as the sunrise wrapped around the house. And now, as my mountain sits in a bit of a shadow, the mountain across the valley is being highlighted by the morning sun, almost like a spotlight is on it. I don’t know why that captures my attention so much. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s mesmerized by sunrises and sunsets. Or I hope I’m not, because they really are gifts from God. Beautiful, creative paintings in the sky.
JA – “Hold things with loose hands, but cling tightly and always to My hand. To be spiritually healthy, you must not be overly attached to your possessions. These are all blessings from Me, so receive them with thankfulness. But don’t forget that ultimately I am the owner of everything. It’s also important to hold people with open hands. Cherish your family and friends, yet be aware of making them idols.” While I was looking at the sunrise this morning, I was thinking this very thing.
Though I love my family (and friends), and am always glad to see them, I’m somehow OK, at least right now it seems, with them living their lives and making their way in the world. All of them. Don included. I hope that doesn’t sound as bad as it looks in writing. Don is very busy with his music and work and small group and working on our rental houses, not to mention all the honey-dos at this house and elsewhere. I think he likes being busy. He also likes being with me and that’s a great gift that I don’t take lightly, but if I was clingy and got mad when he was gone a lot of evenings and weekend days on top of being at work (even though it’s in our house) I would be dragging him down. So, I cherish the time that I have with him; but I let him, and my children, be free to pursue their interests which are fulfilling to them and help shape their personalities and fuel their enthusiasm for life which I then benefit from.
They are all blessings in my life, and I do cherish them, but there is something in me that helps me not be overly attached. I’ve always thought the loss of Richard (the young man I dated in the fall of my senior year of high school and have mentioned in earlier posts) is why I wasn’t able to fully engage with them. Our psyches say loss hurts so don’t cling too tightly, at least initially. But perhaps that early loss in my teens, and the loss of my grandmother in my 20s, our house fire and Alex’s major surgery at three months in my 30s, and then in my 40s even having to let my children go every other weekend to visit their dad helped me recognize that the empty spaces could be filled by God rather than anguish.
I’m not saying I arrived at this early on or that I’ve always had a healthy, evolved outlook in the immediate aftermath of loss, but I do think that all along God has helped me want to move through the losses sooner than later. I purposely did not add recovering from my divorce in my late 30s to the list because that recovery (and perspective shift) took a lot longer and was quite a toll on those who were in my immediate circle at the time. But they, and of course God, got me through.
I think I could go further and say that, prior to the divorce, I probably was more engaged (and perhaps overly trusting) with people. I truly don’t have impenetrable walls up; Don has helped ease me into the “believe the best” way of thinking about and interacting with others. It’s just that divorce is not what I expected (plus children grow up, relationships change and sometimes fizzle, property loss happens) so I’ve learned not to cling too tightly to anything or anyone. Or I at least try no to. When there’s turmoil in any relationship, I think most of us want to get through it and back to the relationship. Certainly some relationships are just seasonal in our lives, but the commitment of marriage says it’s lifelong; so, when something breaks that bond, it’s really more painful than outsiders looking in can fully empathize with.
Because of the prevalence of divorce in society, I think more people than not understand how hurtful it is when well-meaning family and friends offer the platitudes that we are better off, figuring that we wanted this outcome. Most of us primarily wanted relief from the pain. Even in betrayal there’s forgiveness to be had and many couples are able to rebuild and continue their relationships. I would venture to guess that, short of abuse, most people wanted their relationship to go on, even if only “for the sake of the children.” I came across a book randomly during that season before the divorce in which a woman had done a decades long study which revealed how important it is to stay together for the sake of the children. I bet I mentioned it in one of my old journals and can find it someday to better quote from; but, still what I read, in part, caused me to fight for my marriage and my family probably longer than was healthy, for any of us.
The thing I noticed most with my divorce was the immediate loneliness as friends and social groups seemed to choose sides. I don’t know why I’m going into this so much but it’s on my heart and I’m speaking it. Literally speaking, since I’m using dictation to write during this season. I know from personal experience that the loss from death can be devastating and not just in long term relationships. Even though Richard and I were only dating for a short season, I felt the loss of potentially having a future with him. In most cases of loss from death, the grieving people can be comforted that they were loved. Loss from divorce usually leaves people with unresolved feelings and hurts. And surprisingly people don’t seem to want to be around divorced people, as if divorce might be contagious, or at least around divorced women.
I don’t know why divorced men seem to be more accepted and I don’t know who all the women are that people are setting them up on dates with, but divorced women are somewhat shunned. That may not be true across the board but think about this. When there’s a death, there are casseroles and hugs. With divorce, there are no casseroles (at least not for women) and typically there’s only concern from afar. I guess I do know why some people shy away from single women. When my children were young, I used to counsel my boys to be more wary of girls and their intentions than I counseled my daughter to be wary of boys and theirs. (That could just be from years of society educating women to be careful and cautious because of all of the prevalent negativity about men. Some perceptions were of course valid, but not all. I’m thinking here of past sitcoms that made men look like dopes. Perhaps it was just a pendulum swing from how women were made to look for so long.) As a female, I think I can say this: females are more conniving than males, at least in relationships and in their mind games.
OK. enough of that side tracking. I took a breakfast break to reset. I love the people in my life and I would do anything for them. I have done many things for them, even giving up my career potential for them, but I don’t live for them. More and more I have learned to live for God and what He wants to do through me (and for me). I’ve made room in my life for growing this relationship with God as I watch my loved ones live their lives.
Do we have the time (and interest) for more devotions? I think I will just finish the Jesus Always reading. “Another thing to hold loosely is control over your circumstances. When your life is flowing smoothly, it’s easy to feel as if you’re in control. Enjoy these peaceful times, but don’t cling to them or think they are the norm. Instead cling tightly to My hand – in good times, in hard times, at all times. Good times are better and hardship is more bearable when you’re trustingly depending on Me. My abiding Presence is your portion forever! “
And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Colossians 2:6 NLT
“But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place – unless you repent.” Revelation 2: 4-5 NASB
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:23 – 26
(Note: Just back from PT. Listening to Let Them on the drive there and back reminded me that it was this kind of thinking, way before this best-selling book came out, that also helped me to not overly-cling to people and things. If you haven’t picked up or downloaded this book, I really encourage you to do so! It could be life-changing….)
