Sept 15, 2025 – Keep Singing
I’m always so glad to get to my heating pad here in the sunroom. I wake up with a sore back most every morning and now my shoulder and neck are added to the mix – and I’m only 60! It makes me think of Daddy – at 99 – and all the years prior to that when he became less mobile (due to military injuries that eventually manifested into great pain and stiffness no matter how much I encouraged him to move his limbs to get the blood flowing). Despite his limited abilities, though, he was almost always ready to go and do (with me loading and unloading the wheelchair and getting him to what he wanted/needed to go and do). He was such a great example of continuing to live and love no matter what. For a number of years, he would call (mostly on weekends) and ask, “Is anyone hungry” which meant he was ready to “get out of jail” and go for a good meal. Jail was the very nice retirement community he lived in, but he could no longer drive so I’m sure it did feel like jail to have limited choices.
A friend asked me yesterday how I’m doing without him; and, I had to think of how to answer honestly. It’s hard in a way to lament the loss of someone who had 99 full and blessed years here on earth, but I do miss him; and, I do wish he’d gotten to celebrate 100 here with us rather than in heaven with Mama (where I suppose 100 doesn’t have quite the same meaning, if any, as it does here). I see him in photos as I pass by the digital frame that we used to take to every hospital and rehab he went to so that he could be surrounded by memories and the people he loved who couldn’t visit as readily as I could.
But what really came to mind when she asked, was my phone and the notes about all of the issues related to his care (and to helping him enjoy his life) that I still haven’t erased. All I could think of in that moment was relief. Is that awful? Carrie sent me an article the other day about Bruce Willis in which his wife beautifully spoke/wrote about the new “normal” in their lives due to his progressing dementia. I miss my father and the man he used to be; and, I miss being needed and helping to make his life better, but…..I’m, umm, relieved…to umm…I guess to have my life back without the constant considering of what is next to figure for him. I’m sure there are many out there who care daily for loved ones who know of this constant pull between obligation and love.
I think I’ll get up for more coffee so I can get the blood flowing……….
Power – Hebrews 4:16 (ha ha….coffee and Hebrews makes me think of that joke about how men should make the coffee or something like that: He brews!) Anyway….”So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Bold is what I think of when I think of Daddy: a dedicated, tough, capable, honorable, loving soldier and family man and friend (yes, a loving soldier – if you could have only seen those battle-worn, fighting men at Ranger Reunions crying and hugging!)
Joyce writes, “You should be spiritually daring in your prayers, confidently praying for things you know you don’t deserve, and stepping out in faith, believing in God’s mercy and goodness, believing He will bless you because He is good, not because you are.” Because my arm started hurting a bit while I was journaling, I started thinking of a friend of ours who had rotator cuff surgery a couple of years ago and said it took him a month before he could use his mouse. Lord, I boldy ask for Your healing and timing of me being able to get back to writing and typing sooner than later after the surgery Friday! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
When I got my coffee, I also moved my setup to the living room, because of Don sitting out on the deck right in my line of sight from the sunroom. For sure, I love seeing my sweet and loving husband there; but my distractable brain just couldn’t stop noticing his bouncing leg which I’m sure is part of how he focuses while working on issues. I’ve caught myself doing repetitive motions while concentrating; so I get it, but I couldn’t take it anymore!! The new digs were almost as distracting though because I was able to more clearly see the dust and dog hair that I easily breeze past even when I’m running the vacuum through the house. I do have a sign hanging in my kitchen that warns all visitors that I’m “domestically challenged”!
JC – “Rest in Me, My child. This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful.” You’re right. I’m sorry I got distracted. “Be careful that your devotion to Me does not become another form of works.” Oh, God, I don’t want that either! My desire is to share with others what You have done (that makes me think of a song we used to sing in our youth choir that I will now likely be humming the rest of the day) for me in meeting me here in the mornings and listening to/talking with me during the day. “Gaze into My eyes, and you will see no condemnation, only Love….Be blessed as My Face shines radiantly upon you, giving you Peace.”
Streams focuses today on “the sweetness of bitter things” and is based on Song of Songs 4:16. From The Love-Life of Our Lord, Cowman shares, “The burning incense….symbolizes a person’s heart whose sweetness has been brought forth by the flames of affliction until the holy, innermost part of the soul is filled with clouds of praise and prayer. Beloved, are our lives yielding spices and perfumes – sweet fragrances of the heart?”
While resting my arm a bit, I picked up some of the little books I have sitting on the living room window ledge beside the chair I’d moved to. After brushing away the dust, I read through a book (My Mother Gave Me The Moon by Becky Kelly) that I’d given to my mother years ago commemorating how she introduced me to the song “I See the Moon”. She sang it to me throughout my childhood. I sang it to Richard on the sailboat with our only light coming from the moon. I sang it to my children and I’ve sung it to my grandchildren (sometimes in a more frustrated tone wondering why not even that song would stop the fussing!) I was about to call it a day with the devotions, but I found myself wondering what my other friends had to say today.
Max – “…guilt frenzies the soul; grace calms it.”
Prevail 258 – “Consider Peter. Before Jesus’ resurrection, he was impetuous and inconsistent. He even denied knowing Jesus! After the resurrection, Peter became bold as a lion, consistent in faith, and powerful in speech….Since death could not hold Jesus down, nothing can hold you down….Ask the Lord to show you how He’s intervening for you these days. Pray along with him.” And, remember that we live after the resurrection too; so, we can be bold, consistent, and powerful.
Utmost – “Never blunt the sense of your Utmost for His Highest….Many have gone back because they are afraid of looking at things from God’s standpoint. The crisis comes spiritually when a man has to emerge a bit farther on than the creed he has accepted.”
JA – “I can smooth out all the tangled-up places, including those in your mind and heart….Christianity is all about transformation – a lifelong process. Some of the knots from your past are hard to untie….Beware of getting stuck in introspection or obsessing about how to fix things….keep turning toward Me….Wait with Me, trusting in My timing.” Lamentations 3:24 – “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
[Note: Prevail made me think maybe that it’s time, and that it may be ok, to mention my little book which you can read about at BeforePeter.com Looking at the website myself just now makes me realize I’ve let this project lapse. I need to get back to it….especially because I have many other book ideas. I think my little pencil drawings are what hold me back. I need an illustrator. Maybe I’ll try to find Becky Kelly from the moon book!]
Oh….and – imagine a piano playing and a bunch of happy, energized teens standing in front of you singing: “….share with others what Christ has done, the gift He offers is freeeeeee. Believe that Christ has paid for your sins, you’ll live eternalleeeee, and it’s freeeee, it’s free [I’m surprisingly remembering my alto notes here!] It’s a happiness that’s always there if you will do what He asks. It’s consistent not up and down, my smile is not a mask. So, take my advice, try it and see, this life is best of all. Serve the Lord, with all you’ve got. You’ll never regret it at alllllllllll, a-a-t all…….” And then we all did a little feet shuffling dance while Mrs. Nelson played the last notes of the song and then we bowed! Youth choir and the tours we took are some of my greatest memories from my teen years! I think the song is “Time to Get Up” and I have the music here somewhere. When I find it, I’ll share it!
