August 10 & 11, 2025 – Anxious
I was anxious, in a good way, for all of the to-dos to be done today (Mon the 11th) so I could get to the blog! I hope I can keep this condensed enough to hold your attention while still conveying all of the God whispers that have been happening. But first, I’m going to take you back to 4am Sunday morning when my shoulder woke me and then my mind kept me awake thinking about the car. I even took a melatonin, but I still just laid there thinking about buying the car and selling the van; so, I got up and went to my journal in the sunroom where I spend most of my devotion times with God.
I wrote, “I’m so unsettled, Lord. You are of peace not turmoil so is this feeling not from You or are You allowing me to feel this way because I have taken a misstep? We are supposed to feel peace about our decisions aren’t we, especially if we have been checking with You? Even if something is difficult, if it’s of You, we can feel peace. How do I know, Lord? How do I get through this? Should I have walked away from the deal when they said we couldn’t take the car until we had insurance? Should we have not even gone over there ‘til we found out about insurance? I feel awful. I feel awful feeling awful because I don’t want Don to feel bad that I’m so unsettled. Lord, help me.”
Sitting on the ottoman in front of me was the Prayer Guide that I picked up at the service on Friday which reminded me that I need to pray scripture and ask God to help me. I flipped the pages and landed on Anxiety on page 27: Philippians 4:6-7 – “Do not be anxious about anything, [Lord, I’m even anxious about the insurance and how much it will be for a nice car like this and I’m feeling dumb for rushing this even though I wasn’t consciously rushing it. I went looking. I wanted Don to see the car. He liked it. I went with it. We bargained after seeing the markups and I believe the deal was satisfactory on both sides. Lord, please forgive me if I took a wrong step] but in every situation [even this one that I caused], by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving [thank You for Your Word that leads us to You and Your Grace and Peace], present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Where I am wrong, please forgive me.
Where I am confused, please soothe me.
Where I am indecisive, please guide me.
Did I waste our time Saturday with the looking and considering and haggling and paper signing, Lord, or did we handle something efficiently in two days that could have taken months of looking and considering?
Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” The next topic in the guide was Comfort and the verse is my “life verse”, if that’s what you call it – or the one that speaks so strongly to me (and God knew that when He led me there). Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes.” Lord, I cut into our day Saturday of making progress on Park Ave [our rental house] getting ready for the HVAC installation to start Monday. Please multiply our time later today. I thank You that You will guide us. 5:24 am – first yawn
Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….” But, what if I was hasty or not thinking things through or was selfish in wanting a nice car? Lord, I honestly think I was trying to be wise and not selfish. I accepted the gift and provision from You through the inheritance from Daddy. If I missed Your whisper, I ask for and accept Your forgiveness and trust that You will ease my anguish and work all of this out for good including the transfer of the van to the couple.
Isaiah 1:18 – “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” I’m sorry about all of this indecisiveness and second guessing. I suppose if we always stay perfectly in step and have no regrets, we might be pretty annoying people to be around. 5:43am – I am feeling less anxious, and a little tired.
Isaiah 54:4 – “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame….” Thank You Lord for how You speak to and soothe me! In Jesus’ Name, Amen. I went on to bed and slept until time for church and after reading the devotions for the 8th and 9th, we left for the grandparent lunch for our granddaughter’s 9th birthday. Of the things on her wish list, we claimed the Venus Fly Trap. Yes, you read that correctly. She wanted one and we have a growing garden thanks to a friend who has become quite the go-to expert in Alabama for these kinds of plants. He also introduced us to pitcher plants when he brought us a bouquet of them which I put in a pitcher once they dried out. On the drive to lunch, I went ahead and told Don how I’d been feeling, but that I was more at peace. He was sort of quiet, but understanding.
This morning after the prayer service we talked more about the car and I told him that part of me was surprised when he liked the car and was ready to proceed so quickly. It’s like when you’re a child and your parent finally agrees to something you’d been wanting. When the wanting is satisfied, what’s left? What’s next? I’d been car dreaming and shopping off and on for years and now it’s over. It’s sort of that way when a big event is over that has been in the planning for a long time. God said yes and Don said yes – I think when I realized it could really happen, I wondered if it’s really what I wanted. How frustrating!! I also didn’t feel like I “deserved” such a nice car.
I told Don I didn’t need a camera to come on when I turn on my blinker, but he said all of the cameras were the main reason he liked the car. It would take the pressure off of me to have to twist and look around so much (with a sore eye, sore neck, and sore shoulder….I would say “I’m falling apart” but I won’t speak that over myself. I’m healing….) I will still be twisting and looking because it’s going to take me a while to learn about and trust that camera system. I don’t yet get which colored line I’m supposed to back between and stop at!
I wondered aloud to Don if I should have bought a lesser car and used the rest of the gift money for something else, but then wondered if I would have been wasting or misusing the gift. Would I be like Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-2) who held back part of the offering from the sale of their land? It’s not really an equal comparison, but still I felt like God had provided a very good gift and if I got something lesser with it and used the rest on paint for Park Ave, that wouldn’t be honoring the spirit of the gift. In the prayer service sermon about forgiveness this morning, our pastor told us to ask for forgiveness for overstepping, but also to ask for forgiveness for not going far enough. Lord, as I’ve asked many times, please show me in each situation I face, now and in the future, whether to wait or proceed.
As seems to be the pattern lately, I’ll tell about today tomorrow………
